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○Pssst psssst○
Friday, January 23, 2009

Office's toilet paper very rough.


=__="'
|Lady| 4:46 PM
○hi people....○
Thursday, January 22, 2009

I think I somewhat feel the words Sally said. Being a parent.

I remembered she once told me, if she were to to hang out with her friends and enjoyed herself, she would go home feeling guilty and bring her kids out for a good treat the next day as a compensation.

Undoubtedly I'm still a baby to my parents which I deem too. But I do feel like a parent to them nevertheless.

I feel guilty if I were to pamper myself with nice nice things,

I feel guilty when I'm enjoying where my folks are alone, somewhere, watching boring tv shows,

I feel guilty when I'm on a holiday, leaving them in Singapore,

Albeit I do contribute to the household and it sometimes makes me beserk seeing my disposable cash to repayment of loan and utilities, the thought of "not doing enough" revolves my mind.

I feel guilty when I raise my voice at them,

When they are always giving me unconditional love which could only be felt but not told.

It's like we are always saying we pay for this, pay for that, give allowances to them etc. etc.

But our folks, do they complain as much as we do? No.

The extreme ends of mine is ever contradicting. I ought to feel upset because my parents did not plan for me at all and I was left pretty much on my own since I dunno, 14 years old? A very tender age to plan on survival schemes.

So at times, I blame them for their incapabilities to plan for their offspring's future and now I ought to enjoy what I have sown for myself. At least I should not feel so indebted to clear the household issues and making myself so miserable and suffocated.

I ought to let down my hair once in awhile and enjoy.

But I daren't.

That, I think I felt Sally. She wanted to leave the best for her child. Me, I too want the best for my parents, at least finacially. Because I know they already gave me their best. Emotionally. I simply couldn't ask for more already.

Sadly, that didn't stop my extreme ends fight between each other. "You should! You shouldn't! You should! You shouldn't...."

Aiya, but that's life. Isn't it? Human are made to survive. Thus given the wisdom and crowned the top of animal chain.

===========================

I'm well aware of my current condition. And I'm glad I'm aware of my moodswings. Highly volatile this time.

I feel like a mad woman these days. You know, like split personality.

For those of you whom cared and asked, thanks. Like I told Mr Pie, I no longer know if it's correct for me to coop myself up for the well being of others because it simple ain't beneficiary to me.

It was when he called my mobile and persisted on asking, only than I told him what exactly happened.

And accompanied me until 1am plus. Poor thing.

My reason was, the older I get, the more I'm hiding my sorrows (should there be any lah) from everyone which eventually, depletes my social skills and resume only after I've grieved enough.

God knows, when will the grieving period last. Till then, I'm behaving like an introvert that find all sorts of excuses to barricade myself in the room.

I'm still strong. Because I know fully, what's happening to myself and allow no deja vu to happen so.. have seeked for medication already.

==============================

Ok, indications of my moodswing....






***Pictures to sabotage people (and myself too)***



I thought I've lost my primary school class photo because I couldn't find it in my photo album. But alas! My memory didn't left me, I managed to remember where I hid it...


Click to enlarge.

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See them? I bet Kym's breaking out cold sweat.

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K lah, shall save the best for last. Rest of those sinister photos shall be updated in another post. Hah.
|Lady| 10:41 AM
○○
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
SI











BEH











SIAN











AHHHHHH











!!!!
|Lady| 12:33 PM
○Sequel to the previous entry○
Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm typing this out partially to ease some of you all's concern and curiosity and partly, because I want to.

Might be a lil' infantile so you can forget about reading my story if you don't wish to...







First up, the meeting with (let's call him... alamak, his initial is "J" leh.. but I got too many friends with that initial so I shall deem him as "H") H went rather hokaaaay despite it was rather a short one. We were supposed to go for supper (which I already planned to see him eat cuz I dare not break the greatest taboo of dieting) but was eventually cancelled. Read on.

H was actually my childhood playmate, alongside with another boy named WJ. I got to know these boys when I followed dad to his majong den. H and I were 10, WJ were 12. Them, like me, were the kids of those majong khakis.

WJ being 2 years older then us, was the big brother. He will be held responsible should anything were to happen to us and of course, he had his fair share of bullying us too.

Fella got v bad temper but was nice on the overall lah. H was always shielding and standing on same border as I. And oh, he never sabotages me when playing games whereas I was perpetually supporting him whenever he and WJ were in any games.




Think partly because H is always making use of me to do his chinese homework. =_="'




Am not stchupid my dear, I made him did my science and maths homework. Hiak hiak.




And there's this one day we were so bored WJ suggested we should play "share secrets". Stupid game was to tell one another if we had someone in mind.

Apparently, all 3 of us had a crush on somebody back then lah. Speaking of early maturity.. WJ said he had a crush on this particular classmate (who's cares??!) of his where H and I refuse to say ours. So WJ said, ok then, you all whisper to me respectively. We go into the room. You all take turns to tell me.

My gaze followed the boys when they walked into the room. Full of jealousy already. H was a honeypot with dozen of bees bugging him and I was the ugly duckling whom who knows will turn into a swan or not.

I was sulking when H came out and WJ asked me in. Tmd this feels like some appraisal thingy leh now that I think of it.

WJ was grining. As told, I whispered (in room liao why still need to whisper ah? bo liao right?) to him my crush.

He's eyes went enormous. The rest I need not explain I guess. 3 of us sat down in the hall, WJ "announced" the secret...

================================

The initial plan of H was to have dinner and movie on Sunday. Sunday leh! Siao. I'm too rational to know that I have to work on Monday and no way I'm gonna stay out late on Sunday. Afterall, I hardly go out on Sundays too.

You know what? I'm actually starting to regret why didn't I choose to meet him on Sunday instead...

=================================

So, fella called me when he's on his way lah, huh... And again upon reaching. All was blurry cuz like I've said, I was overwhelmed with anxiety.

Kukuberd stood until so stylish, leaning against the front of his car, hands in pockets and facing towards the direction when I'm heading from. Chao turban. See him only I is blush.

Me leh. Lady Jinxed. Blush? Uncalm? Siao.

But all and all, was undeniably true. He was the very first boy I had a crush on. Even before my life was tainted in any way. He remained by far, the most immaculate memory amongst my many nightmarish ones.





"Haaaar-looow, long time noooo seeeee~" (yes, he spoke with that amount of dragginess)

Me: "alamak, this feels so awkward leh"

===================================

Whole damn time I was playing with my pouch, drawing and undrawing the strings. Sign of being nervous no. 1

Back was ruler straight when I was in the car. Sign of nervous no. 2

I reckon he wasn't hungry because he'd just came from a friend's bd party. So I demanded for ice-cream in return for him making me wait so long.

Dared not look at him when we talk. Sign of nervous no. 3

Only managed to take short glances at him which I realised, he too, dared to take short glances at me only.

*damn awkward*

And then there's this complete silence.

*largi awkward*

Me: "Say something leh, very weird leh!"

H: "Why have you stop coming to the majong den?"

Me: "Huh? Oh, haha.. eh.. because we advance to secondary school liao mah!"

H: "Secondary school cannot come meh?"

Me: "haha.. haha... erm... no point mah! You know, because you boys were always running about by then and couldn't bring me along as you all were too young to take care of me because I'm a girl!" (wtf.. I actually said that???)

H: "Hahaha. Rubbish.. Anyway let's ask WJ out and have dinner someday."

Me: "Sounds great~"

*silence again, wah rao.....*

Me: (OS: say something. Think! THINK of something to say you bodoh-bell!)

"Well, I'm suprised you remembered me! Been 10 over year since I last seen you!! Haha.. ha.. haha.."

(I bet none of you people has seen me in such state before. I'm usually quite calm. Even when I'm lying)


H: "Why wouldn't I?"

Me: "Hahahaha.. erm.. haha.. I dunno?"

*continue eating my ben&jerry's*











WHY LIDAT AH?!?!?!?

================================

Quit probing. This fella childhood sweetheart of mine, albeit managed to make me nervous and butterflies in my stomach, he is not anywhere a near target of mine. Very very very good catch I must say. But that only applies to the unrealistic part of asset and good looks. At least I think he is good looking. Not sure about the rest.

He hasn't work before. He wakes up at 6pm. He parties henceafter. He's got a ready VP position waiting for him to take over. If he's keen, that is.

Thus, I bet he's got many Fiona Xie lookalikes around him.

So period.

|Lady| 12:11 PM
○not calm at all○
Sunday, January 18, 2009


Omg omg omg, my very first boyfriend crush smsed me just now, outta nowhere.

Been 10 years since we last saw each other and I only managed to bumped into him say somewhat late last year when he's gotten my mobile.

Nonetheless, no text nor buzz from him till probably 3 hours back?

Fwah. And we agreed to meetup soon, which is like, later.

On his way to pick me up I'm feeling too much anxiety and jibberish I'm going to puke.

Not that I like people la, but it's just... that I haven't seen him for the longest and I'm kinda nervous. What if we've got nothing to talk about? You can't expect me to tell him "Hey, remember when you first held my hand back when we were P6?"

Mad.

Ok I gotta go.
|Lady| 1:35 AM
○Jinxed the prowess○
Friday, January 16, 2009

Never underestimate the power of moodswings.

Much as I didn't have serious PMS couple of years back, but it certainly didn't stop growing. I realised, my PMS gets worst as I aged.

Yes, aged is the word I'm using and it makes me feel like a 40 year shrivelled prune lookalike spinster left on the shelve.

That's how un-pretty I'm feeling right now. It's PMS I'm sure. Or probably I'm feeling tired because I only managed to fall asleep 2.30am this morning.

I think moodswings are the only time I write smoothly because there are simply to much I want to say unlike the times when I'm of a prettier mood where I usually get verb blanks.

Anyway, thousand and one things ran through my mind within some 3 mins this morning when I was contemplating whether I should come to work or not.

I'm amazed by myself, how I was able to rationalise things out even when I'm not fully awake and conscious. Telling myself there's lesson today so there's no point I absent myself from work because I'll still have to leave the house in the evening. Or, brainstorming what can I do with that half a day of MC before leaving the house for lessons. Or, when I should allocate my day of MC so that I fully utilise it yada yada yada...

Women are bazillion times more complex then DNAs and molecules from time to time. Yet sometimes we are so simple that people simply cannot understand the simplicity in us and thus termed us as complexed.

If you are wondering, ok I'm being very complicated now and yes I'm pushing all due responsibilities to PMS.

Nevertheless I decided to drag myself away from the queen-sized and wash up, fully prepared that today ain't gonna be an easy day because half of the time I'll be dozing off, feeling shitty and at the same time I have to control my temprementality before I flare at innocent people which I'll feel most guilty immediately after flaring at them.

So control control control.

*hungry*

Off to lunch. No one meddles with the edgy jinxed when she's hungry. She bites.
|Lady| 1:00 PM
○Oh no!!!○
Dang!!!!


I clean forgotten about my evil scheme to sabotage my fellow primary/secondary schoolmates by posting up those unsightly, disastrous pictures of us back during school days!! It'll be fun flipping through those past memories...


Shall do that soon. Soon soon soon.
|Lady| 9:47 AM
○Ah doey!○
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I probably saw the most bimbotic woman in my life yesterday and that woman happens to be a classmate of mine.

No way an undergrad would ask questions as stupid as hers.

Really, am not trying to be mean or exaggerated. She's has got to top my list of bimbo and inevitably, beat me hands down.

Right, this is an example of what our lecturer wrote on the whiteboard:

12,345
Less: 765
_______
11,580

And this was what she asked: Sorry sir~ what is that line you drawn under 765? What is the purpose of drawing a line?








!!!wtf?!?!








Sure, one gets to ask question whenever he or she has doubts - but this type of question?? In a degree course?? Where time is barely enough for us to absorb anything at all??

It's not a matter of slow-learning or whatsoever already. It's a case of imbecility and asking the wrong question at the most inappropiate time.

Tell me how stupid can one get?
|Lady| 11:35 AM
○If only God can...○
Wednesday, January 7, 2009

beseech me an extra brain, and extra pair of hands.

For there's too many things to remember, too many things to do, too many issues to settle.

I'm solving things bit-by-bit, step-by-step and undoubtedly it still drains me because there's just way too much analysing and planning.

Gosh I'm mentally exhausted.

And yes I haven't been treating myself too good. And I mean, pampering myself. Bonded by this, restricted by that...

Can I stop thinking for once?

Sometimes I wonder - why am I so busy?
|Lady| 11:23 AM
○Hello people of 2009○
Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009 people!!!




Some outdated + latest pictures.



Xmas at Kymmy's place

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Out with Mei at Smith's street (or was it "road"?) for our dunch. Damn Chinatown was scorching hot and bustling busy with plenty of dong dong chiang songs plus lotsa people I almost went berserk.


Considering that I grabbed quite some stuffs, I shall not whine so much. On the contrary, let's go back there real soon Meanie! Been such long while since we last spent time together as a duo. Holiday soon soon Meanie!!




Need I say more? These, are from yesterday. Sizzling hot from the oven.

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Very happening place over there at Riverside Point. In fact, abit too happening for the very toned down me. Not to mention balloons and poppers are popping every second everywhere, I wish I could die right there and then. =____="'

And as if that didn't amount to enough fright, I saw my ex there. No doubts he saw me too. Cuz he smsed me early this morning to say he saw me and wishing me Happy New Year yada yada yada...

Still as inquisitive as ever...

Or maybe it was me who think too much.

And what's with drinking coffee after countdown huh? I got at least 2 friends asking me for coffee 2am in the morning. *snorts*



P.S. Kor² bought me additional 2 pairs of GB Ipanema because it was on 50%! Now I own 4 pairs. Totally heart him. Wheeeee~

Says Novo's having their sales till February. Mei I remembered you mentioned you wanted to go Novo right? Hurry then!
|Lady| 6:20 PM